Proverbs 31 Husband

At the end of April, we will be hosting a marriage retreat for all ages of couples. Please join us. Proverbs 31 describes the ideal wife. Some women read this text with incredible guilt. Some husbands read it with anger at their wives. Husbands who want this ideal wife, should behave in ways that make it happen.

The Proverbs 31 woman has long stood as the Statue of Liberty at the harbor of the City of Womanhood, welcoming all who flee from being anything less than perfect. But what if I have runs in my stocking (I’m sure they were all right when I left home); consistently lose one of my husband’s socks in the washing machine; and regularly misplace my car in the supermarket parking lot (It’s blue sir, I know it’s blue!)? Is there any hope for me if I dream of writing a book about my small children called From Here to Insanity? and if I am shaped like a pillow instead of a post? Jill Briscoe, Queen of Hearts I believe we should see Proverbs 31 as a model not a measuring stick.

Husbands cannot use this chapter to challenge our wives. We must create environments where this type of women can grow, bloom and prosper. If you want a Proverbs 31 wife, you need to focus on being the Proverbs 31 husband, fostering and encouraging your bride to be the best she can be.

Like Lamentations, the structure of the passage is 22 verses each starting with a successive letter of the Hebrew alphabet, an acrostic.

I see 12 ways P31 men can help develop P31 women today:

1. Protect your Purity v.3 “Do not give your strength to women, your ways to those who destroy kings.” In a P31 marriage there is no regifting! This is not just a plurality of partners but a singleness of heart and eyes. That means no dependence on pornography, that is someone’s daughter.
2. Don’t live in denial v.4 “It is not for kings, O Lemuel, it is not for kings to drink wine, or for rulers to take strong drink,” Alcohol is the interpretation here. But the application includes screen time, work, TV, sports or any distraction from the marriage. A P31 husband is involved with his bride and family.
3. Stand up for others v. 8 - 9 “Open your mouth for the mute, or the rights of all who are destitute. Open your mouth, judge righteously, defend the rights of the poor and needy.” A P31 husband ministers to others in need. He models a godly example to their children.

4. Expresses confidence v. 11 “The heart of her husband trusts in her.” A P31 husband is not critical or name-calling (e.g., Scatterbrained, The old lady, etc.). Seek to build your bride’s self-confidence, rather than give her reasons for self-doubt.

5. He does not complain about shortcomings v.12 “She does him good, and not harm.” He focuses on her strengths, not her weaknesses. Would your bride agree that you acknowledge her contributions or harp on her shortcomings?

6. He creates an environment where she wants to bring good things to him, v.12 again. This good, not harm probably refers to marital faithfulness. But it may also indicate a culture of trust and motivation created by the man.
7. He frees his wife to make decisions v. 13 – 16 “She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.” A P31 man has trust and not control over women. Abusers control others. Abusers will never enjoy a P31 woman. Don’t be that guy.
8. He is not intimidated by her abilities v. 13 – 18 She perceives that her merchandise is profitable. Her lamp does not go out at night. An insecure, self-centered man needs to be the one who is strong, successful, and respected. A P31  man knows he has these things when those around him can look to their individual successes.
9. He is willing to share her talents with others v.20“She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy.”P31 husband allow their spouses to serve others when he sits among the elders of the land.” A P31 husband is one his spouse can be proud of. He is not he is idle but has known integrity and respect.

10. He creates a safe, strong, joyous environment v. 25 “Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come.” Whose clothes her? God is our primary provider but He provides through a willing and hard-working husband. She is able to laugh at an unknown future because her husband makes her feel secure.

11. He praises her privately and publicly and allows others to do so as well v.28 “Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her.” A P31 husband NEVER criticizes his bride in front of others, especially their children. If husbands get their job right, wives are far more likely to be the women of promise, the wives other men wish they had, and the mother’s of promising children.

     

    “My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me.”

    Winston Churchill